Christian Dating: It's on the Struggle Bus
This week my husband and I went out to dinner with a friend who was visiting the Okanagan. During our time at dinner we talked about life, jobs, and of course relationships; specifically Matt and I’s marriage and our friend’s relationship status. How our friend responded to my inquiry about his love life really shocked me especially since it came from a man.
Let me tell you what he said.
He was single and ready to mingle (not surprising)…BUT that he was having trouble finding a dedicated lady. He explained he was a man who wanted a relationship with one person and that dating was so complicated now. Folks are either “talking” (whatever that means but apparently not a relationship), dating multiple people, signing contracts to be in a relationship (okay I may have exaggerated there) or being “ghosted.” If you do not know what ghosting is then please look that one up and be ready to throw up a little in your mouth.
This was all coming from a guy who is NOT a believer. He is not a Christian. But, let me tell you if this wonderful man who is a catch can see something is wrong with our dating culture then there is a problem. It hit my heart hard when I heard him speak about dating in this way.
But, why? Why would something like this hit my heart so hard and fast? Because, I was once there – I’ve been treated badly, I’ve treated others around me badly in romantic relationships and now I continue to see it through the Christian community. And yes, I do mean the Christian community. In no way am I saying that a Christian romantic relationship is perfect because it never will be because we are sinful people. We all make mistakes and will fail our partners because again we are not perfect. But, I believe God has given us a standard for how we treat those around us especially with those we are romantically involved with. We see this through Jesus. He is the standard. How Jesus treated and loved others that is the standard and dear friends (LADIES + GENTLEMEN) we are not cutting it.
#sorrynotsorry (was that millennial enough for you?)
As of late I am personally having a difficult time seeing a difference between how a non-Christian pursues and a believer pursues someone romantically. I am not saying this is every Christian relationship because we have many friends who have wonderful relationships with their partners but lately I’ve been noticing some red flags. Let me name a few:
Clarity. It’s not there. A man is not giving direction with his intentions with a lady; same goes with the ladies to the guys.
Lazy Mentality. Because there is no clarity men and women stop making an effort.
Ghosting. Pretty much leaving someone hanging (men and women) until they get the picture they are not interested. Refer back to Point 1 and Point 2.
Degrading someone’s worth. NOT okay.
I am seeing more and more of this. This is happening in the church. Leaders (men and women) are doing this to one another. It’s ridiculous. We as believers have a clear understanding of how Jesus loves us. It is in the Bible and we have all experienced it on some level. So, then why are we treating people around us like trash? Would Jesus ghost someone? Would Jesus not be clear on His intentions with you? Would Jesus degrade your worth? Would he be lazy in pursuing you?
The answer to all of those things is a ‘no’.
We need a change in the Christian dating culture. Dating is slowly but surely transforming into something that is no different than a relationship status without Jesus. That is a problem.
So, ladies and gentlemen we need to be clear with our intentions. I am not saying put a ring on it right away but STEP UP and tell someone respectfully and loving where you are at in that point in time. Stop the laziness. The church does not need lazy people. It ain’t got time for that. If you like someone then pursue them (and I am talking to the men here). Men, seriously, pursue if you are interested in a lady and do not leave her questioning her worth. And women, remember your worth does not rest on how much a man pays attention to you. Your worth along with a man’s are defined in Jesus. And my oh my folks does Jesus think you are priceless all by your wonderful self. So, the next time you are being ghosted or someone is not clear, or is being lazy remember that you have a choice to walk away. You have a right to tell that person (respectfully) that you deserve clarity and if that is something they cannot give then you are ending the confusion because you deserve stability.
Y’all I am guilty of these things. I have done them in the past and even in marriage there are times where I am not clear with my husband on things. Communication is key and I am so blessed to be married to my husband. The road we took to get to where we are now was a long one and there were things we could have avoided if we had treated each other with respect in the beginning. We dated twice and the second time around God got a hold of our hearts and made a few things clear. I hope this post encourages anyone who is reading and most importantly this gives you the push to change a romantic relationship you are in for the better. Respect, Communication, Love, and most importantly Jesus are key.
Matthew 7:12
“So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sum up the Law and the Prophets.”
1 Corinthians 13:4-7
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres.”
Matthew 22:37-40
“Jesus replied: ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”