Jesus was not my First TRUE Love
Well, it's that time of year again... you know what I'm talking about... where there are flowers and chocolate kisses being shoved into your face everywhere you go; even the virtual world doesn't take a day off and makes things worse. Facebook and Instagram blow up with perfect pictures of couples expressing WAY too much PDA. (You know who I'm talking about.) It's like the world is shouting at you, "Why aren't you attached to the hip with someone?!" Love is in the air.
It's Valentines Week.
And wow...that escalated quickly.
I am sure it sounds like I am a crazy person because I am married. I'm sure many think I should bask in Valentine's Day because that means I have someone and you know what I usually do. I am that person. When V-Day (hah I make it sound like a battle but for some it is) comes around I buy the presents and try to look fab like no one's business BUT it wasn't always like this... in fact I remember there were Valentine's Days in my college years where I was deeply depressed. Now, I am not deeply depressed this week because of the "Love" holiday but I was reminded this week how wonderful my SECOND love was to me. The second love being my husband. But, I was also reminded on how I got to be so grateful for this love. There was this realization. I could only truly appreciate this man because of my FIRST TRUE love and that would be God. Now, things may start to get confusing after this because I had a first love before a first TRUE love. Here is my definition of both.
First Love - The very first person you fell in love. This does not necessarily mean you are married or with this person right now or will ever be again; not always permanent.
First TRUE Love - God. Always God. Even when we can't see, touch, smell, or feel Him there will always be that tug on our hearts to seek God. (Because, when the first love disappoints and cannot meet expectations God's love is there waiting for us and waiting to pick up the pieces. His love unconditional; even when our love can be conditional.)
Before my husband (and it pains me to say this) I had a first love. But, in all honesty I am so THANKFUL that I did not meet my husband any sooner than I did. It was right on time. I am sure you are wondering why I wouldn't want my husband to gain the title of "First Love" but I know and he knows that if we had met in high school I would have blown him off. And, I was still going through my awkward stage in looks so I don't know if he would have been that interested in pursuing brace face either (hahaha). I do know that without (at least in my story) having met my first love there would have been particular things my first TRUE love would not have been able to teach me. I am not trying to put God in a box and I am sure He could have taught me these things with another person but He used where I was to really experience the full definition of love. And do you know how He did it?
He broke me.
Did you see that coming? Because I sure as hell did not when I was twenty years old. I'm sure I sound like Ms. Debbie Downer over here but I think especially during this time of year we should all be reminded, even myself, that love is not easy and that the one constant love that will never change will always be God.
When God broke me in college over my first love He taught me so many things but one of the most profound lessons He taught me was to appreciate others in humility. I had a tendency of having a princess mentality where I could get whatever I wanted and if I didn't I would become defensive or manipulative; especially to my then boyfriend. It was horrible. I had to learn to treat a male with respect just as I demanded the same. And the crazy thing is that once I started to do those things God started opening my eyes up to those around me who truly cared---those who took the time to spend time with me, make me dinners, and just all around love me as a person. Funny enough, all of these people were just friends. There was nothing romantic about it. As I spent more time with my maker and started to understand His way of loving I saw Him through how others treated me and how I was starting to treat others. One instance, I had one male friend (my best guy friend--still 'til this day) who saw me hurting the year my first love and I broke up. He took the time to buy me gifts and make me dinner for Valentine's Day. It was beautiful. And I'm sure y'all are thinking "Helena get with the picture he wanted to get in your pants" but, no he was being my friend. I treasure moments like that because those are the moments God really showed Himself to me. It was through people. My first TRUE love (God) taught me these things and He continues to reveal these things to me through marriage. Without my first true love severing the relationship of the first love my relationship with my second love (Matthew) would not be so full. I would not be experiencing a love so deep and so wide that only God could provide between two people.
My dear friends, take this time to enjoy your first TRUE love. I am sure some of you have married your first love and that's amazing and should be celebrated but do not EVER forget the first TRUE love and what He does. For those, who have yet to experience a first love or are on a second love like myself treasure these times and the times before. Take a look at those around you and appreciate the Father's heart in them. I know I sure did.
XOXO,
Lena
Song of Solomon 6:3
"I am my beloved's and me beloved is mine; he grazes among the lilies."
Mark 12:30-31
"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no commandment greater than these."