Scars to your Beautiful
September has been the busiest month of my year so far. I have struggled figuring out what to blog about because I literally have so much going on in my mind that I simply could not pick a topic! I guess you could say I feel very scatter brained at this present moment… so bear with me while I go through my thoughts. This month started with my 5 year cancer free celebration on September 1st. My friends, family and I put together an event at my church to premiere a video we professionally made to tell my story and debut the most recent dance I have done. That night was incredible. The love I felt and the humble gratitude I could not express enough to my Lord and Savior for allowing me to live a life so full was overwhelming. I will link the video below.
On this same night of celebration I took the leap of faith and moved out of my parent’s house into a townhouse with two amazing roommates; whom I am beyond blessed to get to know better and better every day. My brother also got married this month and I am so happy for him. It was a lot of preparation but on the big day it was quite frankly the most beautiful wedding I have ever been to. What was more beautiful than the wedding itself was the love that I had the pleasure of witnessing between my brother and his wife. I had not seen my brother that happy in a long LONG time. I was sobbing during their first dance.. I felt totally crazy but I was so happy for them. Here’s to forever Dan and Tara.
Now to try and get on track with what I would really like to talk about. I’m currently home sick with the flu as I write this blog. I am looking around my bedroom and I cannot believe I am actually in quarantine! I mean there are saltine wrappers and ginger ale bottles everywhere and I am so disgusted! Those who know me, and now you the reader, know that I am quite particular with cleanliness in my room, my car, and my laundry. Yet, somehow I have managed to live in this for the past two days though… but this is not the point. The point is that I have not even looked in the mirror the past two days mainly due to the fact of how I feel. I know when you feel worse you tend to see yourself worse than it actually is. But I have been dreading it. I know my hair it tangled and ratty from sleeping non-stop and goodness I really need to take a shower.
As I have been lying in bed with really not much to do other than sleep and binge watch Netflix I have had some time to examine the scars on my skin. I remember how incredibly embarrassed my scars use to make me feel. I would catch someone staring at them and I would try to hide them hoping that I could make them less noticeable. When I lost my leg 5 years ago you would think I would be more scared of someone staring due to that matter, but no, it was still twisting my body or throwing on a sweater to avoid attention to my scars. Just in this past year I started to realize that each and every scar that I have on my body has a story. Whether they are faded or still darker than someone would like, they all are a part of my testimony. What I’ve comprehended is that some scars reflect my mistakes, some reflect my struggle and fight to survive, some are newer which reflect growth and hard work. Though I see imperfections on my skin, I do tend to have more scars than the normal person due to surgeries and a childhood habit with a sensory problem to mosquito bites. Even still this past year I felt a sudden peace and acceptance of them. I realized that the Lord does not see any of it, even at this moment with my sick feverish body he still sees me as beautiful. He sees my scars as a journey. The scars show a warrior who had some battles; and honestly more scars may come.
Sometimes people may stare for no reason or sometimes it is simply because they have questions about my story. I want to encourage you today to know that sometimes what we deem imperfect, the Lord has deemed perfect. So with that being said, I will never keep my mouth shut about my story; I will share with anyone who asks and to those who do not know how to ask. Scars aren’t always visible either. Very often scars can be on your heart, in your mind, leaving a gaping hole for people to witness through your actions and feelings. These scars are just as obvious as visible ones most of the time. These scars are usually deep and unforgiving, but Jesus sees those scars and yearns to fill that gaping hole that was left in battle. You feel these scars must have been earned, you deserve them. However, He sees the warrior in you and He sees the pain and He wants you to know that you are not a disappointment but rather the opposite – you will come back from the pain. You have a story; you have a battle scar that you need to reveal to the world. Do not allow the world to smother you down to ashes, in fact take those ashes and make something from it. That is what God’s plan for you is as soon as you allow Him to do it. He is going to make a diamond out of you!
I found myself overwhelmed with this month’s blog… I had too much on my mind and did not feel peace with any topic I kept thinking of, but then I looked down at my hand and I saw a scar. I knew right then and there exactly what I wanted to write and share my heart about. I pray today that this post blessed you in some way. Flaunt what you got! You never know who needs to hear the story behind your scars. Shine bright from the ashes.
To view my 5 year celebration video please click the link below (if the video does not work below):
Video Credit/Photo: Lark Media TV
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NMKuLkdEkL4