1 in a Million

“ Any Depression? Suicidal thoughts?” The psychologist questioned.“No, not really” I say in response to his inquiry. I could tell he sensed my irritated tone. His attempted efforts to dig down deep into what I really felt inside caused me to think back upon that brisk November day, it was the 21st. The day my life changed forever. I felt normal when I woke that day. In fact I woke up extra early to prepare myself for the long day of work that lay ahead. I didn’t, at the time, know exactly what I was really preparing myself for. But of course, who would ever imagine themselves standing at a cash register having the onset of a massive stroke from a rare congenital blood vessel malformation they didn’t know they had? Certainly not me and yet this was my fate. This is what happened on that fateful day. My face began to twitch while I was at work and I thought, “This is strange.” I assumed it was nothing and would go away if I ignored it. Only a few minutes later, my co-worker offered to take over on cash for a while, to allow me a break. I accepted this offer with an eagerness to go find out what was happening to my face. In the same moment, my world began to spin; I became dizzy and unsure of what to do. It didn’t take long for me to start to panic. I ran as quickly as I could across the store to the warehouse where I knew I’d find my sweet co-worker Dorothy.I found Dorothy and the clearest words that came out of my mouth to her was, “Thom things wong with my fath.” This new realization that I couldn’t talk normally triggered a tear to roll down my cheek.“Teresa, go sit down in the break room!” demanded Dorothy and other nearby coworkers. Everyone followed behind as I made my way over there. As Dorothy further examined me, we discovered that my tongue was drooped on one side. Thus being the reason I couldn’t pronounce my words properly. “Does your head hurt?” she asked. It only took a second for me to consider this question and realize that one area of my head was in extreme pain. I pointed to the exact location of where the not-yet-discovered AVM (Arteriovenous Malformation) had been hiding all of my life. An AVM is essentially an area where the capillaries of your blood vessels are malformed. These blood vessel walls get weaker and weaker over a lifetime, and occasionally rupture. The AVM itself does not normally produce any symptoms, but can cause devastating effects, and is quite often fatal, if it ruptures. As all of this was happening I thought about how silly I was being, I was so worried about my face this whole time that I did not even notice the pain I was in; classic girl. It was when I had noticed the pain that thoughts of an untimely death began to take over my mind. Where am I going? Will I make it to heaven? I thought surely, God wouldn’t allow a party girl like me to go to heaven? At least not for the time being… I certainly didn’t think that I’d go to hell, but I thought maybe there are places that people like me go until they are cleansed and are ready for heaven. It brought to mind the fact that I had strayed away from my childhood love of God. I began to tell God how sorry I was. My last thoughts before my memory went completely astray, “Of course I believe in you Jesus, I want eternal life, please let me be with you!” I later learned about the agony that my parents had gone through in the time I was unconscious. From seeing me being incubated as well as put into an induced coma to being notified of my emergency brain surgery, my mom was a whirlwind of emotions.

“There is A lot of blood, don’t be too hopeful, your daughter may die. Are you listening to me?!” were the hopeless words of my neurosurgeon, Dr. Goplen. After a few minutes of complete devastation, my mother started to feel at peace when she put her hope back in the Lord. This verse comes to mind whenever I think about my mom during that time. “The Lord your God is in your midst, the mighty one, will save; he will rejoice over you with singing” Zephaniah 3:17. Then I went into surgery. Dr. Goplen completed the surgery two whole hours earlier than expected and was VERY pleased with how it went. After four days in a coma, I awoke to a half- paralyzed body. However, even so I was just grateful to be alive and surrounded by family and friends, that this new disability didn’t even phase me at the time. I wanted to make sure everyone knew that I loved them; it became my top priority. Flash forward a little bit. It wasn’t until my first day of rehab that I finally acknowledged the extremity of my injury. I was in a wheelchair, surrounded by other people in wheelchairs. Yet, I still thought, “I don’t want to be here. I’m seventeen, I haven’t even graduated yet. My life is terrible!” When my mom pushed me along into the physio room I immediately began to sob. I begged my mom to take me away from there and explained that this was not my life. In the coming weeks, I started to consider the people around me. I realized that I was not alone in this situation; that the people in physio did not want to be there just as much as I did not want to be there. After I had this epiphany, I soon became friendlier with my new peer group. One guy that struck me in particular was a guy named Sean. Sean was close to my age and had a very similar situation to me. He was paralyzed on the same side as me (the left side). Every day after being introduced to each other, Sean would greet me with a big lopsided smile and ask how I was feeling. I appreciated Sean’s kindness and looked forward to chatting with him in between therapy sessions. I stayed in rehab for a month and a half, participating in hours of therapy and psycho-analysis. My entire hospital stay ended up being 2 whole months . I was determined to get back on my feet as soon as possible and made huge progress within days. I soon learned what it all exactly takes to be able to walk. Find your balance, swing your hip, lift your toes up, plant your foot, slowly straighten the knee, keep a strong core and repeat. It took some time before I was able to walk with having to stare at my left leg to make it move. My foot has not come easy, for the first few weeks of physio, my therapist wrapped my foot to keep it in an upwards position. When the rest of my leg got stronger, I received a custom made ankle foot-orthotic. At first I ignored the fact that the contraption allowed me to walk. I focused more on the unthinkable idea that I would now be limited to the kinds of shoes I could wear, as well as being forced to fashion an ugly leg brace.

My last day of rehab was maybe even more emotional than the first. I was not physically where I hoped or expected I would be by the end. My arm still did not work very well. I still had to wear this embarrassingly noticeable AFO and I had to go home to a world full of able-bodied people; who probably loved their lives and could not relate to the suffering I endured. Funny thing is that I used to be one of those people. It was difficult to leave a place where I was surrounded by who people who understood my struggle. There was comfort knowing I was not alone especially by those who may have struggled more than me. I wanted to stay in this comfort zone. However, I did leave rehab and during this transition I kept wondering why this happened to me, to make sense of it all. Through the guidance and prayers of many Christian people in my life I returned to seeking Jesus and desiring a relationship with Him, now more than ever! This desire was not fueled by a “wanting” to be physically healed but because I now know that life is more fulfilling and worthwhile when Jesus is a part of it. When I made my relationship with Him stronger, I found the comfort and the blessings pour in. An example of this was when my Dad asked me to pray with him. My family is Catholic. We included a prayer for St. Theresa’s intercession to pray for me (St. Theresa is known for sending a rose to let you know she is praying). A little less than an hour later I received a big bouquet of roses from someone who could not have known that we prayed for this. If you need more convincing, another time God showed himself was after my devastation of being told that I could no longer graduate this year since I would need another full year of courses. My brain just wasn’t ready. My school counselor looked into it further and discovered that I could get full credits for doing physiotherapy, and by bending the rules slightly, full credits for my previous work experience at Whole Foods. All I would need to do is finish two of the courses I already half- completed at Pen High. I chose to finish Biology and English. The Lord has, and continues to show Himself to a girl who for so long decided she was better off without a relationship with Him. This is the most important relationship I will ever have in my life.I could write on forever about this journey. It has been 7 months now since my stroke. I am still walking better every day; my arm continues to show improvement, I have now graduated from high school and I am almost completely independent, among many other blessings. I want to give a huge thanks to all of my therapists, old friends, new friends, Teachers, Doctors, my Church and of course, my Family. You have all contributed greatly to my amazing recovery. Also, thank you Helena for inviting me to share my story on She Captivates! It has always been an interest to me to read of the crosses that other people carry and how Jesus pulls them through with faith. I hope that by reading this you become comforted with the knowledge that you are not alone in your sufferings.

“For it has been granted to you on behalf of Christ, not only to believe in Him, but also to suffer for Him.” Philippians 1:29